Sunday, October 15, 2006

Cops don't impress me

Let's start by saying a couple months ago I got ticketed for speeding. I was doing 62 in a 45 and came over a hill at the same time as a cop. I had just dropped my son off to daycare and apparently the road by it is highly patrolled because of complaints. The cop was a prick - big surprise there - and ticketed me. No big deal. I hadn't had a ticket in over 2 years.

Fast forward to Tuesday and I am picking my son up from daycare. I learned my lesson. I drive 45-50 on that stretch of road because I do believe they are starting to run more radar there. Anyway, that is when the fun began.

I come down towards a turn off and some asshole pulls out in front of me doing about 10mph. I am doing 45 and he's all of forty yards ahead of me. I have to quickly decrease speed and am right up on the guys ass. I am pissed. So what's genius do? He gives me a brake-check (hitting your breaks hard to fuck with another motorist for those that are stupid). So I hit the gas, pull around him, and tell him "You're #1!!!!" in Universal sign language.

The asshole follows me through town. Outside of Washington, halfway to Morton, I am pulled over by a Washington police officer. One I saw the lights and guessed that he was just running a speed trap; since I wasn't speeding I went on my merry way. But when I moved to the shoulder to get out of his way, he slowed down too. So now, I can put 2 + 2 together and know that I am getting pulled over for what happened 10 miles back. Interesting to say the least.

The police officer approached the car and to be fair, he was a very good cop. The guy listened to me and heard my side of the story. In the meantime, the dickhead had pulled up behind him and walked to the back quarter panel of my car. On a separate occasions I mentioned words like "dumbass", "moron", and "idiot" - making sure he heard me. I had seen his gun and he also had his badge out; I just did not care. I was in the right.

The police officer takes my statement then goes back to speak with his buddy. He returns telling me the guy wants to file a complaint.

"Great! So do I for reckless driving." I conveyed exactly what happened and there was no way I was in the wrong. Possibly following too close but that was a matter of he said\he said so fuck it. He asked if I wanted to speak with the complainant and I said "Couldn't hurt ... Or maybe it could ..." and we both laughed because he knew I was pissed.

The officer took me back to the area between my car and his where I met the douchebag. The first thing the guy says after the officer introduced us ...
"I am an off-duty Washington peace officer." ... It was all downhill from there ...

"Yeah, that doesn't impress me; you drive like an idiot," I emphatically informed him.

"Yeah I can tell it doesn't," he smartassed back. From there, the conversation just got worse.

He began telling me he'd been "on force for 15 years" and he was a "recognized expert in accident investigation by the State of Illinois". I interrupted on several occasions with timely inquiries like:
"That's nice, how does that come into play with what happened?" ... "Are you giving me your resume for a reason?" ... "So because you investigate things after-the-fact that makes you a perfect driver?"

I was antagonistic but level-headed. It was him who was having trouble keeping his cool. Part of his story was he gave me a break-check after putting on his turn signal so I went after him.

"You gave me a break-check when you were already doing about 20 mph. I whipped around you and was in a passing zone and well within my rights. At no point in time did you use your turn signal!" ... And the dumbass bit ...

"I tapped my breaks to back you off so I could turn then I hit my turn signal. That was my concern that you are so irate about the situation that you are a danger to yourself and those on the road."

"You just said yourself you gave me a brake-check and THEN turned on your turn signal!" I was in the zone now. He just admitted to borderline reckless driving.

"I tapped my brakes to give you warning I was about to turn!" He snapped at me.

"Huh, most intelligent people would use - I don't know - their TURN SIGNAL to tell someone they are turning ... and THEN use their breaks." I had him ... and he knew it.

He tried going into some diatribe about accident investigations and I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it," I said making sure to emphasize I was done talking. "What's next?" I asked the uniformed cop.

"Well," began the on-duty officer, "what do you guys want to do?"

"I'll talk to you in private," the douchebag snapped at the "real" police officer.

"You do that," I smiled back and walked to my car.

After about 10 minutes of bullshitting and wasting my time, the douchebag left and the cop came and talked to me. He informed me the off-duty cop and I would "Agree to disagree".

"Fine by me, don't worry I won't file a complaint. Though I should," I said smiling. I knew the score. I had dumbass by the balls and he admitted being in the wrong and then realized his own stupidity. Fuck him.

Cops don't impress me because they're all just GED products with a badge. The douchebag thought I would be intimidated, instead I just got more pissed and wanted to nail his ass to a wall. If you don't like the one-finger salute, don't drive like an asshole. And a badge and gun should make you want to drive exemplary not try to abuse your power.

Suck it bitch.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hell do you think you are. There are GODS and SLOBS in this world. Police/Authorities are the GODS and little peons like you are the SLOBS. When the revolution comes you'll be the first one lined up against the wall. If I were you I wouldn't mouth off to any more cops or you might find out what they are capable of. Just a friendly reminder, jackass

12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymo the Destroyer said...

If the above comment is meant to be an ironic statement about the dangers of ego maniacal power hungry police, then it was a little too close to reality for my humor (but clever nonetheless). If the comment was meant to be taken literally, then the writer is clearly too obtuse to realize he has just reinforced the original poster's premise about the police and their supporters.

4:24 PM  

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