Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Random Musings 11: The Future Porn Pandemic

Quick straw poll for those guys who missed my birthday party: You come home, the house is decorated inside and out in balloons, your very hot\very naked girlfriend is sprawled out on your bed ... do you really notice the presents and balloons in the corner of the room? I didn't and am getting shit for it - though in a cute way.

Better question: You come home, the house is decorated inside and out in balloons, your very hot\ very naked girlfriend is sprawled out on your bed ... you look at her, notice the balloons and presents then say "Awesome! Gifts! Can I unwrap them?" What are the odds you and cyclops will be playing tug of war that night minus the presents, balloons, and one girlfriend?

Speaking of birthday parties, mine was at Old Chicago this year. Free birthday pizza, $1.50 bottles, cute waitresses, sports on tv, smokes, good friends, my girlfriend ... throw in a shuttle service and some porn and they could call it heaven.

Running a red light directly in front of Morton PD at night is probably not the best way to avoid tickets. Granted, all I got was a written warning, but I think that's because the cop was looking at me like I was one of Jerry's kids.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda's HNIC in Iraq is now dead ... and thus begins a long line of fresh asshats to fill his dirt nap slippers.

Ding! Divorce is done! Ding! Divorce is done!

One of the good things about being divorced is I no longer have to sit through "Wheel of Fortune" each night ... or as I call it: Jeopardy for Retards.

Possibly #1 on the most assinine things I "learned" this week by the technologically stupid: Leaving your computer on for days, NOT connected to the internet, can cause it to get a virus! This gem came from some dumbass article my mom read in Peoria Journal Star. Really, Einstein? Apparently computer viruses are now fucking air born. Jesus, I can't wait for the day when I get an STD just by downloading porn!

1 Comments:

Blogger kevin said...

Somehow my computer recntly got a hold of the Moviepass virus/worm/annoying as fuck nuisance. I'm sure it was bundled with some of the bootlegged porn I've tried to get my hands on, but anyway the program is so irritating. It makes some window pop up on your screen increasingly more often and some porno sounding music plays in the background. It basically asks you to sumbit credit card information because an alleged "free trial" has expired. Waking up to this at 3AM is no pleasant experience.

All in unison please repeat, "Thank you for sharing."

12:13 PM  

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