Friday, March 17, 2006

Snakes on a Plane!

Man, just when I thought Hollywood was out of ideas, in walks "Snakes on a Plane" like a breath of fresh air. With Samuel L. Jackson nonetheless! So, it got me to thinking ... Snakes. Plane. Instant blockbuster because the title is real. The title "represents". What if ALL movies were like that? We could pick and choose movies based on titles alone wihtout ambiguity. No more things like "Good Will Hunting" or "Vanilla Sky" or "Pulp Fiction" where the title doesn't give you a glimpse - if not ruin the entire experience - of the movie. So from here on out, I propose we take movies and begin renaming them for what they really are:

Windtalkers - Nicolas Cage Kills more Japanese Soldiers than Actually Fought in WWII
Failure to Launch - Kathy Bates Keeps her Clothes on; Terry Bradshaw Does Not
Titanic - Leo DiCaprio Dies so it's Almost Worth Watching
Napoleon Dynamite - Retards Find Soft Spot for Galactically Retarded Movie
Troy - Brad Pitt Shows his Ass
Alexander - A Couple Thousand Year Old Brokeback Mountain
Brokeback Mountain - Gay Cowboys Slinging Pudding
The First Wives Club - Old, Bitter Women Whose Husbands Found Younger, Hotter Chicks
Elektra - Jennifer Garner's Tight Ass
Castaway - The Longest FedEx Commercial Ever Recorded
Signs - Aliens Fly a Million Miles to be Thwarted by Wooden Doors and Water
Forest Gump - Retard on a Park Bench

Hats off to movies "Assault on Precinct 13", "Batman Begins", and - of course - the incomparable "Snakes on a Plane"!


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