Monday, February 20, 2006

Tips for a Better "American Idol"

More frontal nudity of the judges. Sex sells ...

Oh yeah, replace the judges with Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba and Eliza Dushku. Did you think I wanted to see Randy Jackson in a thong? Also, how does one allow a British guy to pick an "American Idol". That would be like letting France run our military draft when it gets reinstated.

Supply Ryan Seacrest with razor blades, full bottles of sleeping pills, and nooses for his exit interviews of loser contestants. Better yet, pair the not-so-enigmatically-gay Seacrest with Nelson Muntz to shout "Hah-Haw!" every time some loser comes out heart-broken.

Three words, baby: More William Hung! I personally am gearing up for Willy's latest release set to help fund raising for the Republican party. Tentative title is "Hung like an Elephant".

Jerry Spring-esque smack downs between fat, loud contestants and the judges. Steve Wilko to act as referee only.

Gangsta Rap wanna-bes shooting it out in line for the audition. This should help narrow down the contestants long before they make asses of themselves inside.

Scrap the phone voting for a Palestinian Authority election process. Our new American Idol is ... Osama Bin Laden. Cut to Osama hugging his opponent and then detonating the entire building and the morons who watch the show.


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