Random Musings 8: The State of Chuck Norris's Union

I always believed that "Crack Kills"; however, after watching just 10 minutes of "Being Bobby Brown", crack doesn't kill nearly fast enough.

Paris Hilton has no idea what country the city of London resides. Also unclear of where France or her underpants can be found ... whore.

The only way you could make "Brokeback Mountain" funnier is if - instead of sheep - they were gerbil herders.

I'm pretty sure I saw Kevin Federline's rap CD in the 99 cent bin at a Gas Stop in Utica ... or maybe it was the space they reserved for it.

The U.S. is threatening to cut aid to Palestine if newly elected political party\terrorist organization Hamas does not denounce violence ... in other news, the U.S. gives fucking aid to Palestine!

Baby wolves cry "Chuck Norris".

Define Irony: Howard Stern moves to Sirius satellite radio to escape the FCC ... now Sirius is going to impose limitations on his show.

Judge Alito is now a Supreme Court justice. Republicans control all the branches of government making "checks and balances" an interesting but useless theory (take that founding fathers!). Our military is stretched and we are making threats to Palestine, Iran, and South Korea. Anyone see imminent danger ahead? Not a joke, just scary.

I ate at Hooter's the other day and the waitress was so incredibly bad I wanted to go back in time and wipe out her entire family tree for producing such a slack-jawed, waste of oxygen.

We are buying a new house in February so I am really excited Alan Greenspan's last act today (Jan. 31st) before stepping down will to make sure he bumps up the fucking interest rate. Thanks douche bag!

Al Qaeda terrorists scrapped a plan on September 11th to hijack a 5th plane and fly it into Chuck Norris. After viewing "Invasion USA", they wet themselves and cancelled all Norris-related operations for the next century.