Monday, December 18, 2006

Reality Bites

Longing for a simpler time when actual shows were seen on television, I was forced this past week to wade through the jungles of Reality TV and find out "Why the fuck has this shit not been cancelled?" Fan of reality tv? I'll type slower so you can understand this rant.

The Biggest Loser - Finally a show named after it's core demographic. It's about time the world rewarded people for being despearately fat and lazy. Casting for this show must take about 30 seconds as the producer walks into a Denny's at noon on a Sunday and grabs the first 12 fat asses whose chairs look like they are in danger of collapsing. Want to make this worth watching? Replace enigmatically gay Bob and hot-bod twat with R. Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame. Watch as Ermey uses his tried-and-true motivational tactics he learned as a real drill instructor. "That's it fat ass, don't make any effort to get to the top of the obstacle. If god wanted you up there, he would have miracled your ass up there by now!"

What was even funnier was the season finale when they are introducing the fat asses who have now lost weight ... except the 2nd broad voted out. She walks out and the audience was left in a complete and total moment of "Oh, fuck. She looks the same. Do we clap?" Some people do not enjoy these awkward moments and probably felt embarassed for her. I taped it so you can watch it again and again if you are one of those people.

Growing Up Gotti - The producers of this show should be whacked along with the douche bags who are the Gotti boys.I don't know what would be worse if I were John Gotti: getting nailed when Sammy the Bull turned stooly or watching my douche bag nephews disgrace my family name. These jack off, gangsta-rap wannabe's make Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie look like Rhodes Scholars. When these two aren't sponging off their mother or disgracing their family name, they spend their time sponging off their family name ... that they disgrace. If these guys were named Smith, do you think they would have the celebrity status people seem to bestow on these talking monkeys? The Teflon Don has to be rolling over in his grave.

Martha Stewart's Apprentice - Unless you are going to do this show from Cell Block A, get it the fuck off my television.I will be the first to admit that I enjoy Donald Trump because he's an over the top, exagerrating, ego maniac and - if you have ever read this blog - you know I can relate. But Martha Stewart with an Apprentice? This show sucked out loud. It sucked so bad, The Donald complained that it hurt his ratings ... that is FUCKING BAD!!! Luckily, it's been pulled and Martha is busy sucking out loud somewhere else.

That's it for now, but for the love of God don't get me started on Flava of Love, The Surreal Life, and Armed and Famous.


Blogger G13 said...

Hey now...I watched Armed and famous! That was hysterical! But they act too much like real cops...they aren't! I just want to see Ponch get taken out a few more times with a stun gun! That was great TV!

5:43 PM  

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