Thousands flock to "Pedo Graceland"

Penn State University - Thousands of peophiles and child-rape enthusiasts have flocked to Penn State to pay homage at the feet of revered coach, humanitarian, and pedophilia-rights activist Joe Paterno or "JoePa" as he was lovingly known to community, fans, and alleged victims.  As news that the Board of Trustees were convening to render a decision as to whether to take down the iconic statue of the legend, thousands heard the call and came not only to show respect to their fallen deity but to show solidarity among pedophiles and their enablers everywhere.

When this reporter asked Brian Jones of Clarion  why he felt the need to visit the JoePa statue he became overwhelmed with every emotion but shame. "Well to be honest, I just felt I had to do it," he said through the tears. "JoePa was a great man who won a lot of football games and really was an inspiration to the young and old.  Especially if the old liked to have sex with the young.  You just don't see that kind of character and integrity any more."

Kevin D. Diddler of Gettysburg was quick to point out that the Board of Trustees overstepped their bounds in firing Coach Paterno months ago. "We all saw it," says Mr. Diddler. "There was no evidence.  They just wanted him out.  It was bigotry and a rush to judgement.  They wanted JoePa out no matter how many years it took them to do it.  They finally got their way."

When asked about the fact that Sandusky was eventually found guilty of 45 counts of child sexual abuse and the Freeh Report showed Coach Paterno helped cover it up for years, Mr. Diddler became enraged.  "I don't know what kinda 'news' you report but I get my news from ESPN! Like Matt Millen said the Freeh Report is just one man's opinion. It's obvious to all us here that JoePa was a great man and even in his death he is being persecuted for believing in himself, his school, his friends, and that blowing whistles on pedophiles was inhumane! You see that sign there it says 'Educator, Coach, Humanitarian.' and THAT is what JoePa was!"

The impromptu memorial\rally drew people as far away as Washington D.C. such as D.J. Love III who found the "Paterno way" an inspiration. "I think the quote on the statue really sums up JoePa's legacy and the Paterno way," said Love referring to the inscription "Success with Honor".  "I mean not only did he build this community being the greatest football coach ever but he transformed it into a shining beacon of tolerance. Let's be honest, the people of this community - and most of the students - are simple, mouth-breathing hill-jacks.  If they saw two men kissing in public they would probably run them out of town if not beat them to a pulp there on the spot.  But if you're a man having sex with a boy in the shower, no one bats an eye. It's a community of tolerance and truly a Happy Valley and he - Coach Joe Paterno - is our Rosa Parks."

Not all of those at Penn State shared the outpouring sentiment however.  One high-ranking school official who would only speak on condition of anonymity said, "I just don't understand it. How can these people in light of all that has happened still cheer an enabler of child-rape."

When asked whether they felt the need to speak-up, the official summed it up: "To speak up is to put a target on your back.  Joe Paterno still has a long reach even in death.  I just wish someone would step up and take care of this situation.  I feel just like those children must have felt.  Won't someone come help us?"