Little 8lb 5oz, bearded, capitalist baby Jeebus with an M-16
As a confirmation that both Hollywood and the Republican party have zero ideas left, Repblican officials have decided that a "purity" test be issued so that each candidate must stay true to 8 of 10 of their "goals". Of course these "goals" start with the words "we support" and end with "opposing anything that the Democrats support". It would be funny if this country wasn't built upon a 2-party system but now it's just sad. I do not blindly follow Democratic leadership but what's troubling is that their seems to be NO Republican leadership to follow. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mann Coulter? It seems like the only hope for the once conservative, astute Republican party is to get all of the wingnuts in one place and have Karl Rove go suicide bomber for the good of the party ... But I semi-digress. Let's check out the new propaganda, er, I mean "purity" oath ...
(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama's "stimulus" bill;
... but we're A-OK with bailing out banks and Wall Street like George W. Bush did. That's important stuff. So important John McCain felt the need to suspend his presidential campaign to help billionaires and millionaires pull themselves up by their bootstraps with a fresh influx of taxpayer money so they could piss it away all over again. God bless supply-side little baby Jeebus!
(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;
Hmmm ... starting to seed a trend. We are against Obama-style run government because we are so THERE! Neener-neener-neener!
(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;
What the fuck does this mean exactly? Market-based energy reforms? Really like you backed bank deregulation? Hey guys, can you please start being more environmentally conservative because we know it costs you more and you pollute the shit outta everything and drive up energy prices, but pretty please!
(4) We support workers' right to secret ballot by opposing card check;
Not even going to touch this one ...
(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;
Um ... John McCain is the CO-SPONSOR of a bill that would give amnesty to illegal immigrants. Obama hasn't touched this one with a 10-foot pole and he'd be damn well NOT to touch it.
(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;
Kill the brown people! USA! USA! USA! SURGE! SURGE! SURGE! Funny GWB had years of a Republican controlled Congress and Executive Branch and only manage to turn both wars into a catastrophic FUBAR ... Of course now it's the Democrats problems and they ain't cleaning up this Republican-made clusterfuck fast enough. Fuck I hate idiotic hypocrites.
(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;
Hey, here's something we can all agree on. Of course it's completely vague and has no discernible plan or even coherent thought but let's give a point to our little retard friends!
(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;
We don't want no fags getting married. Fags are for beating, persecuting, and running for Republican office while totally hiding in the closet or nearest men's room!
(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion;
We want abstinence based sex-ed because if it's good enough for Sarah Palin it's good enough for us! Also, we don't want all you fags, commies, liberals, socialists, and darkies aborting your babies so ... Hold on a tick, we may want to re-think this one!?!
(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership;
Like the restrictions that were set in the constitution of your right to bear arms? I know the NRA needs a boogeyman to fight against but give me a fucking break. All I heard was how Obama was single-handedly gonna go door-to-door and take everyone's guns. It looks to me like the same gun restrictions are still in place and the state levels are the problem not the national level. Hell, give me a Republican Illinois gubernatorial candidate that wants to introduce conceal-and-carry laws and I'll campaign for the man!
Jesus fucking christ tap dancing on a cracker ... please can the moderates start talking and the rest of you fucking morons be raptured already!?!