Little 8lb 5oz, bearded, capitalist baby Jeebus with an M-16

As a confirmation that both Hollywood and the Republican party have zero ideas left, Repblican officials have decided that a "purity" test be issued so that each candidate must stay true to 8 of 10 of their "goals". Of course these "goals" start with the words "we support" and end with "opposing anything that the Democrats support". It would be funny if this country wasn't built upon a 2-party system but now it's just sad. I do not blindly follow Democratic leadership but what's troubling is that their seems to be NO Republican leadership to follow. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mann Coulter? It seems like the only hope for the once conservative, astute Republican party is to get all of the wingnuts in one place and have Karl Rove go suicide bomber for the good of the party ... But I semi-digress. Let's check out the new propaganda, er, I mean "purity" oath ...

(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama's "stimulus" bill;
... but we're A-OK with bailing out banks and Wall Street like George W. Bush did. That's important stuff. So important John McCain felt the need to suspend his presidential campaign to help billionaires and millionaires pull themselves up by their bootstraps with a fresh influx of taxpayer money so they could piss it away all over again. God bless supply-side little baby Jeebus!

(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;
Hmmm ... starting to seed a trend. We are against Obama-style run government because we are so THERE! Neener-neener-neener!

(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;
What the fuck does this mean exactly? Market-based energy reforms? Really like you backed bank deregulation? Hey guys, can you please start being more environmentally conservative because we know it costs you more and you pollute the shit outta everything and drive up energy prices, but pretty please!

(4) We support workers' right to secret ballot by opposing card check;
Not even going to touch this one ...

(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;
Um ... John McCain is the CO-SPONSOR of a bill that would give amnesty to illegal immigrants. Obama hasn't touched this one with a 10-foot pole and he'd be damn well NOT to touch it.

(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;
Kill the brown people! USA! USA! USA! SURGE! SURGE! SURGE! Funny GWB had years of a Republican controlled Congress and Executive Branch and only manage to turn both wars into a catastrophic FUBAR ... Of course now it's the Democrats problems and they ain't cleaning up this Republican-made clusterfuck fast enough. Fuck I hate idiotic hypocrites.

(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;
Hey, here's something we can all agree on. Of course it's completely vague and has no discernible plan or even coherent thought but let's give a point to our little retard friends!

(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;
We don't want no fags getting married. Fags are for beating, persecuting, and running for Republican office while totally hiding in the closet or nearest men's room!

(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion;
We want abstinence based sex-ed because if it's good enough for Sarah Palin it's good enough for us! Also, we don't want all you fags, commies, liberals, socialists, and darkies aborting your babies so ... Hold on a tick, we may want to re-think this one!?!

(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership;
Like the restrictions that were set in the constitution of your right to bear arms? I know the NRA needs a boogeyman to fight against but give me a fucking break. All I heard was how Obama was single-handedly gonna go door-to-door and take everyone's guns. It looks to me like the same gun restrictions are still in place and the state levels are the problem not the national level. Hell, give me a Republican Illinois gubernatorial candidate that wants to introduce conceal-and-carry laws and I'll campaign for the man!

Jesus fucking christ tap dancing on a cracker ... please can the moderates start talking and the rest of you fucking morons be raptured already!?!

An Open Letter to Neo-Cons

Ever since 9/11 the Republican supporters (read YOU) have been told fear the terrorists. There are terrorists coming to kill you. We have to fight them over there instead of here. We need to wire-tap civilians, we need to suspend habeas corpus, we need secret prisons, we need to torture and all of this we are doing for America.

All the while this administration has tried to push their powers even further including claiming that congress has no oversight into their actions. Of course this wasn't a problem for Bushco the first 6 years when Congress was Republican controlled. Our economy is in the shitter and dumbass Republicans (read YOU again) are blaming the policies of the Democrats in Congress. I love that thinking (or lack thereof). We are in two unwinnable wars, Wall Street is collapsing, banks are collapsing and the party that's been in power for the last 8 years (and controlled Congress for far more than that) is blaming terrorists, democrats, and Barack Obama for the woes of this country. How very fucking patriotic you people are.

On top of it, after using scare tactics ever since 9/11 they think they can win an election (again) on the same old tired bullshit. Four years ago it was telling people if Kerry wins the terrorists win. Now it's spinning that Barack Obama is a Muslim with ties to terrorism. The message is clear: scare the same damn sheep into giving us what we want. The problem? People are getting smarter and the democrats and independents don't buy it. And even a lot of the Republicans (read NOT YOU) are asking: "Really? This shit again? Fuck this I'll vote for the secret Muslim baby eater because they can't expect me to be that fucking stupid. Or can they?"

You see the "you're either for us or against us" bullshit they've played with since 9/11 no longer fucking works. McMaverick is exposed as the same old crap; 4 more years of Bush. The Republican message has been dumbed down to such imbecilic catch phrases it's a joke: "If you vote for us your an American otherwise you're a terrorist ... and you're not a terrorist are you?" It's not even political science any more it's CHILD fucking PSYCHOLOGY!!!

Now you look at the McCain and Palin rallies and the word coming up most (even by Faux News) is RAGE. These scared little sheeple who hang on the Republicans every word so the boogeyman terrorists don't get them are in a RAGE. You know why? Because since 9/11 they were told they should give up liberty for safety and they did. They believed everything the Republicans told them and feel safe because they are protected by the all-knowing Republican party. And now they're big security blanket is about to go away and they need childish slogans to chant to make the feel all safe and warm again. And for the last 7 years it's those terrorists that are trying to kill us all that are going to win. Not only that, Barack Obama is a secret, evil, Muslim, terroris, anti-christ. They shout for his death and call him a traitor. Why? Because they were told terrorists are going to kill them all and Barack is not "with them".

They are enraged just like there childlike makeup would suggest. They are fearful because the Republican message has been so filled with scare tactics including in this campaign. Barack is a terrorist; the terrorists are going to win. Now when McCain at his own rally tries to calm the rage by saying "Barack Obama is a decent man and we shouldn't be afraid of him as president" the people actually BOO McCain and call for his death! That's a fucking bell you cannot unring. Most of these people need serious psychological help. You live in fear every day of terrorism and believe your only savior is Chimpy McFlighsuit and John McMaverick and the Republican party. Now your being told that the secret, evil, Muslim, terrorist, anti-christ is going to run the country and possibly rule the world.

If I were a Republican (like YOU) I too would be in a rage ... and scared ... or if I were 5 years old ... and possibly retarded.

Yet More Random Pissings

After several high-profile "gay sex" scandals it seems the Republicans are coming around to the fact that homosexuality is genetic and not a choice. White House press secretary had this to say: "With the recent news and scientific research. The Republican party wants to acknowledge that Senator Larry Craig - and many like him - did not CHOOSE to have gay sex in a men's bathroom; instead they were BORN to have gay sex in a men's bathroom."

Kerry Wood has been named the Chicago Cub's closer for the 2008 season ... That is all.

Borrowed: When I go out, I want to go like my granpa - quietly and in his sleep ... Not screaming like the rest of the passengers in his car.

Paris Hilton wants to pick her new BFF in a reality tv show. Paris wants to be able to impart her knowledge upon her about things such as: how to be useless on $5,000,000 a day, proper cell phone etiquette during sex, and how to hide a herpes outbreak and while flashing your hoo-hah to anyone with a camera.

With the trade of QB Brian Griese and no offseason movement, the Chicago Bears will enter their July camp with Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, and a quarterback to be named later. If you ask me, the QB depth chart is shaping up like a washed-up hooker: two useless boobs and a big gaping hole.