Saturday, March 17, 2007

It's a Joke: Get over it

I am going to type slower so all of you dumbasses can follow along.

This is a blog.

This is satire, coarse humor, and outlandish shit written tongue-in-cheek. If you believe anything I write on this page - aside from a few personal posts - you sir or ma'am need to take a bath with a toaster so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world with your utter fucking stupidity. (Ok that's half-joking).

I guess what came to pass was that some people from my previous place of employment read my blog. There were several senior executives who read it as well and were aghast at what it contained. One former headof HR thought "this person should not be walking around in society"before she knew who I was and that it was - in fact - satire. Others posed worry that I was "angry" or "self-destructive" and possibly "unstable". Now, aside from that man in Reno I shot just to watch him die, I definitely take offense to these labels.

This came up again later on as a friend-of-a-friend stumbled accross this blog and told me I needed psychiatric help ... This from a twat with daddy-issues and a weight problem, but I digress.

So I guess for the cheap seats, I need to proclaim: IT'S A FUCKINGJOKE YOU SHEEP!!!

99% of the shit I write I could care less about. What's funny is I have been a published\award-winning writer since I was 14. I write for fun and to mainly amuse myself with some shit I come up with. Every now and again I'll read something I wrote several months back and get a good laugh while I think "How the fuck did I come up withthat???"

If you believe this blog in any way reflects my character - positivelyor negatively - then you probably voted for Bush and believe everything you fucking read. Now write Rush Limbaugh and ask him whatyou should really think about me and my blog.

It's people like you who give hope to Nigerian e-mail scammers.

In the words of Fitzy from "Via con dios ... And via con fuck yourself!"

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Random Pissings

I have ticket #7683201 in the Anna Nicole Smith baby-daddy lottery.

I hear Chicago QB Rex Grossman doesn't masturbate. He tried once, but every time he tried fondling his balls he would just fumble them.

And now the winner of the K-Fed versus Britney custody battle ... All the fucking shrinks these kids will need when they realize who their parents are.

Oxymoron of the day: I heard a girl referred to as "major jailbate".

Politically Incorrect quote of the day: Some asshole Arab was in the middle of my girlfriend's parking lot backing up his mini van ... Degree of difficulty: he was not looking. He damn near hit my car before realizing I was behind him and gave a half-wave when I pulled around him. I responded with "I sure hope the flying lessons are going better than the driving lessons asshole!"

If you have 5-chins do you really need to order cheese fries as an appetizer?

... And remember fellas, you're only queer if you're on the bottom!