Saturday, November 28, 2009

"Palin Conservatives"

Here is the link to the story:
... and my letter to the "stop gitmo north" twat-waffles ... You too can e-mail them at:

Dear "Americans" without balls,

Wow, I mean WOW! Do all of you wet the bed individually or is it more of a group effort? People like you are the reason the rest of America has to hang their heads in shame. Dave Munson calls himself a "Palin conservative"? REally? Does that mean to shiat your pants and hope someone else fights the war on terrorism?

And what the fuck kind of town do you live in? It's damn near bankrupt so your ELECTED mayor wants federal money to bail you out? Sounds EXTREMELY conservative to me you fucktards! And then there are the cowards like yourselves. Jesus your town threat level must look like this:

Threat Level ORANGE: RUN
Threat Level RED: HIDE

Jesus tap dancing Christ on a cracker, I thought the French were cowardly. You've taken cowardice to a whole new level. Not only are you shiatting the bed about terrorists, you're actually petrified of incarcerated terrorists in your own SuperMax prison? Just secede from the U.S. so the rest of us don't have to bare the brunt of your incredibly pathetic pussification of our country's values.

Fuck you sincerely and GO BE SCARED SOMEHWERE ELSE!

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Little 8lb 5oz, bearded, capitalist baby Jeebus with an M-16

As a confirmation that both Hollywood and the Republican party have zero ideas left, Repblican officials have decided that a "purity" test be issued so that each candidate must stay true to 8 of 10 of their "goals". Of course these "goals" start with the words "we support" and end with "opposing anything that the Democrats support". It would be funny if this country wasn't built upon a 2-party system but now it's just sad. I do not blindly follow Democratic leadership but what's troubling is that their seems to be NO Republican leadership to follow. Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mann Coulter? It seems like the only hope for the once conservative, astute Republican party is to get all of the wingnuts in one place and have Karl Rove go suicide bomber for the good of the party ... But I semi-digress. Let's check out the new propaganda, er, I mean "purity" oath ...

(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama's "stimulus" bill;
... but we're A-OK with bailing out banks and Wall Street like George W. Bush did. That's important stuff. So important John McCain felt the need to suspend his presidential campaign to help billionaires and millionaires pull themselves up by their bootstraps with a fresh influx of taxpayer money so they could piss it away all over again. God bless supply-side little baby Jeebus!

(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;
Hmmm ... starting to seed a trend. We are against Obama-style run government because we are so THERE! Neener-neener-neener!

(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;
What the fuck does this mean exactly? Market-based energy reforms? Really like you backed bank deregulation? Hey guys, can you please start being more environmentally conservative because we know it costs you more and you pollute the shit outta everything and drive up energy prices, but pretty please!

(4) We support workers' right to secret ballot by opposing card check;
Not even going to touch this one ...

(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;
Um ... John McCain is the CO-SPONSOR of a bill that would give amnesty to illegal immigrants. Obama hasn't touched this one with a 10-foot pole and he'd be damn well NOT to touch it.

(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;
Kill the brown people! USA! USA! USA! SURGE! SURGE! SURGE! Funny GWB had years of a Republican controlled Congress and Executive Branch and only manage to turn both wars into a catastrophic FUBAR ... Of course now it's the Democrats problems and they ain't cleaning up this Republican-made clusterfuck fast enough. Fuck I hate idiotic hypocrites.

(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;
Hey, here's something we can all agree on. Of course it's completely vague and has no discernible plan or even coherent thought but let's give a point to our little retard friends!

(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;
We don't want no fags getting married. Fags are for beating, persecuting, and running for Republican office while totally hiding in the closet or nearest men's room!

(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion;
We want abstinence based sex-ed because if it's good enough for Sarah Palin it's good enough for us! Also, we don't want all you fags, commies, liberals, socialists, and darkies aborting your babies so ... Hold on a tick, we may want to re-think this one!?!

(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership;
Like the restrictions that were set in the constitution of your right to bear arms? I know the NRA needs a boogeyman to fight against but give me a fucking break. All I heard was how Obama was single-handedly gonna go door-to-door and take everyone's guns. It looks to me like the same gun restrictions are still in place and the state levels are the problem not the national level. Hell, give me a Republican Illinois gubernatorial candidate that wants to introduce conceal-and-carry laws and I'll campaign for the man!

Jesus fucking christ tap dancing on a cracker ... please can the moderates start talking and the rest of you fucking morons be raptured already!?!

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Sunday, November 22, 2009


No, I am not starting a new rap group or referring to any new mainstream terrorist organization. BBD stands for "Bigger Better Deal". I am writing this to help what I believe is 90% of the world. It is one thing in life to want the most out of it, it is quite another to be continuously searching for the BBD. What's the difference? Take a look at how much you spent on psychiatric care last year.

I have a few friends who fit this mold. I have more than a few ex-friends who fit this even more. A person looking for the BBD hops from job to job, bed to bed, and whatever flavor of the month comes along. These are the people who often bitch about their lives and then regail you with stories of their grand plans. Of course, these grand plans often involve doing as little as possible and someone handing them millions of dollars. Often it involves their current shack-up and the fairy tale life they will be leading. Of course, a month from now, it will be a new fairy tale with a new co-star, but that point is oblivious to these people.

Need to spot a BBD person, just look for someone unreliable, under-educated, fucks anything that moves, often bouncing between jobs, and tells you about how great their future will be. They only need to fit 4 of the 5 criteria to be considered a BBD. Here are some of my favorite example from people I have known. Names have been changed just because I am about to slander the shit out of them and the main thing about these opportunistic fuck-sticks is their ability to take advantage of a situation.

Jerome - The epitome of BBD. Couldn't keep a job, girlfriend, or word if his life depended on it. In the few years I knew him, he had no less than 10 jobs and plans to: Go to Europe and do construction engineering (despite the fact he had only a high school diploma), open an "awesome" night club (except he didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out), and get a job doing porn with strippers (about the best thing he could hope for).

Alexandria- If Jerome was the male side of the equation, here comes the female side. Landra is well known for jumping into bed with just about any guy but she always has to be in a relationship where a guy takes care of her. Of course, that doesn't keep her from hopping into the sack with his friends or the boyfriends of her own friends. Her jobs have been varied but she was trying to get a degree. Either way, this is the type of person who you make plans with you and the day you are supposed to do something, she either wants to change the plans or has already found something else to do. On one of my ex-wife's birthday parties, she wanted to bring a guy she had known all of 2 weeks from work to join a group of us. I told her "no" because it was a tight group and none of us knew the guy. She ended up cancelling plans with both him and us to go to a concert in St. Louis with some guy she knew from out west. BBD at it's finest ...

Gabriel - Though possessing loyalty, Gabe often finds it extremely hard to be reliable. He can keep a steady job but that's about where it stops. Though he finds ample time to fuck anything that moves, he has trouble keeping plans with people as the BBD always comes up. I have known him to make plans for a weekend only to not so much as call until four or five days passed to tell me "sorry, something came up".

Tammy - The epitome of the BBD. She can't get enough from anyone or anything. Fucks anything that moves. Regails you with how she's going to make millions. Talks about her fabulous upbringing. Yet, the BBD is always a bed, job, or stone throw away.

So ask yourself, are you constantly looking for the BBD? Is the grass always greener until you get there? If it is ... then you are part of the world us normal people can do without.

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