I Have Issues

Most people base their self-worth on how others react and respond to them. I, on the other hand, base mine on the junk mail that I receive daily. After checking today's batch, here are some observations I came away with:

I am uneducated and in dire need of an "online degree". I am a valid credit card away from having that most prestigious of all degrees from Eddie Munster U or wherever the hell it is ...

I have a small, flacid penis. Why else would I be getting constant offers for Viagra by mail and Enzyte or any number of knockoffs of these two products.

I am a lonely loser incapable of getting sex. That's why I need invitations to porn sites. I can get my degree and look at boobies all with that same valid credit card ... that I don't have ... Who can pass up great sites like "Horny Hermaphrodites" or analpissing.com?!?

Computers constantly crash at my bank, paypal, etc. That's why they need me to sign in and give them all of my important data over again. They value me so much they setup special sites where I can hand over all of my personal information!

I am trustworthy and honest! Apparently, there are people in Africa trying to get their family wealth out of the country. Millions of dollars! They just need me to hold onto it and then I will get a fair cut! Oh yeah, I have to post some of my own money ... if I only had a credit card!

WOOHOO! I need a credit card and there plenty of places looking to give me one. Just sign up online and no credit history will be denied! YES! Sure the company spells Wells Fargo with a Z (Wellz Fargo) but I'm sure that's a misprint.

Now that I got my credit card, surely the road to riches is through online casinos. I mean every other e-mail I open is an invitation to use yet another online casino. That's how the smart people get rich, rich, rich! Time for me to put this card to use ... get my education .... some boner enhancers ... and then see some titties!

Coming Soon ... A Look Back: Y2K