Random Musings Part Free

"I'm a man, Marge. And as a man I like my beer cold, my women hot, and my homosexuals FL-AAAMMMING. FLLL-AAAAAAAAAMMMMIIINNGG!!!!"

Carpet munching my wife when she's on the rag is not my idea of 'Surf and Turf'' ...

I was at TGI Friday's awhile back ago and had the most clueless waiter\bartender on Earth. After screwing up my drink order 3 times - how hard is it to make a fucking Margarita on the rocks with salt??? - he proceeded to ignore our table. Finally I got up and asked him for the bill. He came over 10 minutes later and asked "Can I get you anything else?" I responded, "Yes, the bill I asked for 10 minutes ago and lessons in whatever language you speak because it sure as fuck ain't English." ... My tip was a sign on a napkin that read: "Try barber college!!!"

Kep's in Washington is celebrating their 5th year anniversary with theme nights all week and a huge blowout on Saturday with Jamm Sammich. Friday night is "White Trash Night" ... they were going to go with "Trailer Park Extravaganza" but they figured they would piss off a lot of their clientelle ... True story.

At least 17 Minnesota Vikings players are being investigated when they booked two charter boats on Lake Minnetonka for alleged sex parties. Coach Mike Tice has said that he would be "very disappointed" if the allegations were proved true ... mainly because he scalped his ticket for the cruise ...

Speaking of walking rectums, former NFL-linebacker Bill Romanowski is to make his debut this week on 60 Minutes to talk about his personal streroid use while whoring his new book. Man, that's exactly what this ego-maniac, spotlight-seeking, douchebag needs ... Many in the NFL expressed shock after reading the book. The steroid allegations were fine; they just didn't realize Romo was literate. Who knew?!?

My god have you heard the new commercial for American Express gift checks. You know the one with all the poorly done sound effects proving the black guy from Police Academy still has a career ...

Since I started with a Homer quote, I have to include his sign on the ESPN televised National Spelling Bee ...
English
Spelling
Promotes
Nowledge

I am positive that, right now, more than half of you dumbasses are still trying to figure out the joke above ...

I saw a bunch of dumbass, hippy Bradley students protesting at Main and University. Someone had a sign that said "Support our troops! Bring them home ALIVE!" ... I agree with the sentiment just not the hippy anti-war mantra (or basically anything a drug addled douchebag says) where if it was our national policy we'd be either speaking British English, German, or even Mexican by now. I was tempted to make a sign myself either "I'm NOT with Stupids --->" or "My parents are paying 20k per year so my dumbass can hold up this sign!" ...

Fuck off hippies ...