All My News I get from Farrakhan and Celebrities

“I heard from a very reliable source, who saw a 25-foot deep crater under the levee breach,” said Louis Farrakhan, spiritual leader of the Nation of Islam (NOI). “It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry.” Minister Farrakhan made the charge Monday in Charlotte, North Carolina, where many of the hurricane’s evacuees had been taken (at federal expense).

Question 1: How do you see a 25 foot deep crater that would be filled with water and underneath 20 feet of black water?

Question 2: Scores of civil engineers who worked on the levee warned that a Category 3 or higher storm would cause it to burst. Were they told to say this to cover up it's eventual demolition by the government?

Question 3: What exactly would be the motivation for the Federal Government to make New Orleans more "white"?

Question 4: Does the Michigan Militia (who once "decoded" and "exposed" a government plot outlined on back of a Kix cereal box) thank God every day for a guy like Farrakhan who make them look like geniuses?

Question 5: Is the Nation of Islam and the Republican Party really that different? I mean both have chosen leaders who are functionally retarded and yet the followers believe everything the guys utter.

Of course, to really understand the world, you should turn to celebrities to get their take on it. Here is what some celebrities may or may not have said about Katrina, Farrakhan, and New Orleans ...

Brad Pitt: I left Jennifer Aniston for who? Man I have my head so far up my ass I don't know what's going on. Sorry, no comment.

Nick Nolte: You should envy these people. As I have said before standing in your own urine promotes health. They get to wade in it! Pity us not them.

Andy Dick: I am doing a benefit to help New Orleans. My one fan will be ecstatic!

Tori Spelling: My daddy got me my job! Are you from the Surreal Life?

Spike Lee: It's the white man trying to eradicate the black man. Fight the power! And don't forget to buy the collector's edition of "Do the Right Thing", wear Air Jordans, and eat a Snickers!

Ben Affleck\Matt Damon: (muffled - they couldn't stop blowing each other long enough)

There you have it. Celebrities ... is there anything they don't know?