Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Since I am an indentured servant of the company I work for and have baby on the way, the only summer vacation I could afford was a trip through my own little universe. This is a GREAT place to live especially after having to live in so many other little universes daily. Here is my 2-week vacation that never existed when I flew out to the West coast (let me shout-out to all my homies) on the Invisible Jet I bought from Wonder Woman.

Saw the electric chair they fried OJ in; one of the guards said they actually had to have it specially made to fit hi ginormous head … helped Barry Bonds file for unemployment; poor guy could barely push the revolving door at the Unemployment Office; quitting steroids has to be a bitch … pissed on the ashes that used to be the Neverland Ranch; heard that Michael Jackson is going to be featured in the next Prison Bitch Magazine … I was sorry to hear about the apparent suicide of Ben Stiller; I felt even worse that it had been me to break the news to him about how completely and utterly untalented he is … Watched workers tear down several Starbucks in preparation for the Moe’s Tavern chain; house specialty is SkittleBrau – a full flavored beer with pieces of candy floating in it ...

BTW, you would think having an invisible jet would be cool but here are couple of problems:

1) It’s REALLY hard to remember where you parked.
2) Whoever invented the invisible altimeter and invisible speedometer needs to get kicked square in the nuts.
3) Dogs really DO NOT enjoy heights or high speeds if it doesn’t involve wind in their face … ever heard a Yellow Lab scream at 30,000 feet?
4) Birds get freaked out because they’re scared you’re going to shit on them.

The good thing about the invisible jet is you can actually see above AND below the plane so our night trip to Martha’s Vineyard was relatively uneventful … Fuck you I know it’s not on the West Coast but that shit’s funny …


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