Headlines for November 11, 2005

Sometimes, you are a headline and it make's you go ... "What the fuck?"

Expert: Suicide-Bomb Couple May Be a First
Caught in a dead-end relationship? Tired of your wife and her constant nagging? There's a new alternative!

Bush Forcefully Attacks Iraq Critics
President Bush not done trying to take over the world. Sets his sites on defenseless hippies and pacifists.

France bans weekend meetings in Paris
Hilton forced to do her whoring midweek now.

Woman Robs Banks While on Her Cell Phone
Probably that same bitch driving the SUV who cut me off yesterday on I-74.

United to Hire 2,000 Flight Attendants
Oil supplies are short, but bitchy flight attendants are on the rise.

Evidence of Huge Ancient Crocodile Found
Remannts of Cro-Magnon Steve Irwin found in stomach.

Baby Panda at San Diego Zoo Named Su Lin
My turd from last night's LaBamba burrito named Gumby. Who gives a fuck?

Senior Citizen Bloggers Defy Stereotypes
Stereotype: Old = Dead ... wait no he's just blogging. Old = Brain Dead?

FDA Proposes More Specific Condom Labels
Finally news I can get behind. For those of you who do not know what a condom is or how to use it, the FDA is taking steps so that you cannot infect the rest of us with your galactic stupidity in the form of offspring.

Now get back to work!