Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Daily Log

This week I had lunch with my best friend and her fiancee. His leaving my company as a contractor is what opened up my new job. No hard feelings on his part because it had absolutely nothing to do with me or him just some bad managerial decisions. What makes it even worse is that he had to return to the home office to a manager that makes a couple DG\JM directors\execs look like Bill Gates.

The new flavor of the week: logging all time including bathroom breaks ... or as I call it: "Logging your Logs". What's even funnier is that not only do you have to log your time, you have to log the time you spend logging your time. I thought I would try it one day just to see how things went.

8:15am arrived at my desk and turned on my computer
8:17am openened Outlook and began catching up on my messages
8:18am thought about buying Viagra at a substantially reduced rate from some jerk off who spammed me
8:19am invited to watch an 18-year old girl's "free" cam show
8:20am found out someone thinks I need Enzyte, Viagra, and a new credit card
8:21am finally opened up Visual
8:22am went to drop off the kids at the pool
8:58am walked bow-legged back to my desk after unloading Weapons of Ass Destruction
8:59am apparently I now need a loan mortgage
9:00am time to go get a diet coke
9:15am back with a diet coke
9:16am I can meet hot women in my area with just a credit card
9:17am whoa, am I at Churchhill Downs? Better be safe and piss like the proverbial race horse
9:25am back from bathroom, shot out a stream so powerful I chipped the porcelain
9:26am more e-mail for Viagra
9:27am spend the next 30 minutes wondering what would happen if I washed down a viagra with about 7 diet cokes ... it would be like a water cannon
9:59am spend 23 minutes staring at the wall trying to see if I can go cross-eyed
10:22am my manager stops by and we chat about movies for the next hour
11:28am two minutes to lunch so why wait
12:37pm back from lunch and finishing off the rest of my tasty beverage from the Big Kahuna Burger
12:38pm e-mail box is now overflowing since I haven't checked it in over two hours
1:17pm just finished catching up on e-mail. 30 spam; 20 unrelated items; 5 from users that have no clue; 2 french hens and a Danny Bonaduci in a pear tree
1:18pm go to all of my saved blog pages and read the top articles whether I have read it before or not
1:49pm run into my first philosophical pondering of the day: Do you ever notice McDonald's smells the same coming out as it does going in? What causes that?
2:32pm after really thinking things through, I decide to Google the answer
2:51pm get bored trying to find the answer but find nothing but vacuum cleaner ads for the new Cleveland Steamer
2:52pm uh-oh, the Big Kahuna is ready to pay homage at the thrown
3:34pm that definitely did not go well; whatever I ate, my ass feels like a rootbeer dispenser. Fumes from the bathroom set off the smoke alarms three separate times.
3:35pm With the building cleared I put together my time log for the day. Let's see, I will log "General Maintenance" for 6 hours, 40 minute lunch, two 10 minute bathroom breaks, and Logging time of 1 hour. And I'm spent.
3:41pm everyone still outside, time to cut out early and avoid the traffic

Damn, I am a really good employee.


Blogger G13 said...

Wow...sounds like my day...just not as much with the shitting...just a lot of peeing.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Oreo said...

I can understand the logging your time shit, Josh and Richard had me doing that for 2 months before I was cust service.

2:20 PM  

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