Saturday, November 19, 2005

Random Musings IV

Ever had to take a shit so bad you leave brown stains in your underwear and feel the need to wipe 5 hours after the transaction? Yeah, me neither.

The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a train making the situation exponentially worse. Worship the dark.

Why is that God purportedly only “talks” to assholes and people off the deep end? Seriously, you would think God would talk to someone besides a televangelist or a nut job.

I want to start a new reality show called “Shit-Canned”. Each week, I get to go to some executive producer of a shitty reality tv series and kick the ever-lovin’ shit out of him. When I’m done I get to say “Oh yeah, your boss called. Your show is cancelled and you’re out of a job. Enjoy serving my kids fries you no-talent loser.” THEN, I get to go to his boss’s house and do the same thing just working up the food chain.

New flight rule: No more racial profiling of Arabs when doing security screens at airports. I am tired of hearing all the bitching. Instead, all Arabs will fly together without any other races, nationalities, etc. with the exception of members of the ACLU. You don’t want to be hassled, you don’t want profiling … great! Here’s your plane. Good luck and say "hi" to Allah for me.

You know what really grinds my gears? When you’re doing 40mph down a two-lane road and some jackoff decides they need to hurry up and pull out in front of you. They then proceed to do 20mph for about 2-3 blocks and then turn. If I had a bazooka the world would be a much better place.

I just saw where Ford has to pay the family of a killed motorist $61 million because the Explorer he was in flipped over and killed him and the driver. THE DRIVER FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL and lost control of the car when he momentarily awoke and tried to right it. If the dumb fuck had only hit a bridge embankment Ford could have pocketed the cash … or the family would have sued the Department of Transportation because those bridge embankments can jump out at you.


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