Crystal Reports is for Losers
This week I spent "on-loan" to a different manager. The project: creating reports using .NET, SQL Server, and Crystal Reports. To be honest, I’d rather be fondled by a gaggle of Catholic Priests. If there is anything I hate more than Oracle (and Oracle DBA’s) it’s working with Crystal Reports. Hell, it’s working on reports. Hence the reason JM’s Roman used to do all of the reports and I did all the fun stuff. Crystal Reports be damned!
Next week, back into the swing of actual Web work. Also, I am getting closer to convincing my manager – and then the CIO – that we need to redevelop our precision farming software. I proposed doing this because 1) the current company they turned to sucks major donkey cock, and 2) I have an actual business plan so that it would be more than worth our while to re-program and re-deploy it.
OK, here are some things that made me laugh this week:
In 1996, Charles Barkley was involved in an altercation with a man on the second story of a night club. Barkley threw the man through a plate-glass window onto the street below. Later asked if he had any regrets, Barkley contended “Yeah. I regret we weren’t on a higher floor.”
A joke by Emo Philips:
A Mormon friend of mine told be “Mormons can’t drink coffee.”
I told him “A cup of coffee a day has some wonderful benefits.”
“Like what?” he asked.
I told him, “Well, for one it keeps you from being Mormon.”
On the Simpson’s, Marge confronted Homer as to where his new-found money was coming from. Homer replied, “Marge, I won’t lie to you.” … and then walked away.
BTW, all of my football knowledge I gleaned from both Jesse Jackson and Ralph Nader. If you don’t know, these two have implored the Philadelphia Eagles to reinstate suspended wide receiver, and all-time NFL douche bag, Terrel Owens. What’s funny is that if only Owens had gone to one of the 20-some other NFL teams with a white QB, he could have played the race card.
Tom Griswold of “Bob and Tom” had the greatest line I have ever heard about going to meetings. “Oh good, a power point presentation. You’ve taken your stupidity and put it on the wall.”
I am offering a reward for anyone who will find an engineer who works at Business Objects and repeatedly kick them in the nuts ...
Next week, back into the swing of actual Web work. Also, I am getting closer to convincing my manager – and then the CIO – that we need to redevelop our precision farming software. I proposed doing this because 1) the current company they turned to sucks major donkey cock, and 2) I have an actual business plan so that it would be more than worth our while to re-program and re-deploy it.
OK, here are some things that made me laugh this week:
In 1996, Charles Barkley was involved in an altercation with a man on the second story of a night club. Barkley threw the man through a plate-glass window onto the street below. Later asked if he had any regrets, Barkley contended “Yeah. I regret we weren’t on a higher floor.”
A joke by Emo Philips:
A Mormon friend of mine told be “Mormons can’t drink coffee.”
I told him “A cup of coffee a day has some wonderful benefits.”
“Like what?” he asked.
I told him, “Well, for one it keeps you from being Mormon.”
On the Simpson’s, Marge confronted Homer as to where his new-found money was coming from. Homer replied, “Marge, I won’t lie to you.” … and then walked away.
BTW, all of my football knowledge I gleaned from both Jesse Jackson and Ralph Nader. If you don’t know, these two have implored the Philadelphia Eagles to reinstate suspended wide receiver, and all-time NFL douche bag, Terrel Owens. What’s funny is that if only Owens had gone to one of the 20-some other NFL teams with a white QB, he could have played the race card.
Tom Griswold of “Bob and Tom” had the greatest line I have ever heard about going to meetings. “Oh good, a power point presentation. You’ve taken your stupidity and put it on the wall.”
I am offering a reward for anyone who will find an engineer who works at Business Objects and repeatedly kick them in the nuts ...
posted by Reed at 3:25 PM
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