Headlines for November 16th, 2005

Texas town renames itself 'Dish' to get free TV
Neighboring cities Dumbass and Shit-for-Brains still looking for better offers.

Senate Group Unveils Oil-Saving Plan
Plan includes levelling mid-east into a parking lot and then building a pipeline straight into Texas.

Bill Clinton Calls Iraq 'Big Mistake'
Bush fires back calling Lewinksy "Just Plain Big".

Grizzlies Near Yellowstone May Lose Status
Grizzlies blame economy, lack of residual checks from Yogi Bear, and Vancouver.

Roche, Gilead End Dispute Over Tamiflu
In the "try pronouncing this shit" part of the news ...

Oprah Regrets Her 1988 Liquid Diet
Finds that Martinis and Daiquiris just make you drunk and fatter.

Newell Polishes Potter's 'Goblet'
Potter's stones soon to follow ... oh wait, that's what Michael Jackson wants to do.

Finally, the greatest love story ever.