Friday, December 09, 2005

Media Hype

I would personally like to thank the media for introducing a number of words and phrases that make you want turn off your telveision sets, burn the local papers, and unplug the internet for good. Here are some words and phrases floating around today that should go directly back into the ass from which they were pulled out of.

Pandemic
Have you heard about the Asian bird flu and the world-wide Pandemic it is causing? It has killed 70-odd people in the last 5 years. Scientists race to find a vaccine before it can strike again. Of course, while this is going on it is estimated the plain-old, run-of-the-mill, been-here-for-centuries flu kills 20,000 AMERICANS ANNUALLY. Fuck it, give me Asian bird flu over the common stuff any day of the week. Once again, the media overhypes something.

Metrosexual
Do you know what a metrosexual is? It's a fag that hasn't sucked his first dick. Nothing wrong with being gay. Nothing wrong with being bisexual. And sure as hell nothing wrong with being straight. So why do we need a knew word to describe women trapped in men's bodies. If you are a "self-proclaimed metrosexual", that just means you are testing the waters before your big "coming out" party.

Cyber Monday
I got excited when I heard about this day. I figured it was the day all of the world's porn sites give you full access for one day. Imageine my disappointment when I found out it was just more media hype.The claim was that the Monday following Thanksgiving was "Cyber Monday", the busiest day of the season for shopping online. Of course, the term "Cyber Monday" was invented about 2 weeks before this year's Thanksgiving for a day that is usually about the 12th most active day for shopping online. Now you sheep know.

Hate Crime
Another dumbass word followed by dumbass laws which give the government the right to include punitive charges on individuals already arrested for a crime. Amazingly enough, "hate crimes" only occur if you attack gays or if you are white defendant(s) who attacked a black person. Seems awfully limited in scope but what do I know. Commit a murder? Go to jail for 15 years or 7 with good behavior. Murder a homo and suddenly your ass is facing life. Moral of the story: Kill only your own race and Metrosexuals who have yet busted their ass cherry.

Black-on-Black Crime
The most vile and unforgivable crime if you listent to members of the black community. This is Kane and Abel'ism at its worst. Of course, speaking out against Black-on-Black crime draws cheers from the community; however, isn't this just a more indirect, and less subtle way of saying "Kill Whitey"?

Ethical Dilemma of the Day:
Stewie, a black man, is driving his SUV down the road on "Cyber Monday" and sees a fellow black man in the car in front of him. The black man in the car has a white Metrosexual passenger who leans over to give him road head. Stewie gives the car a "love tap" trying to dissuade his "brother". The "love tap" makes the car jerk forward and the inexperienced Metrosexual - now a homosexual since he has a dick in his mouth - bite down. The black driving the car screams in pain, loses control of the car, and slams it into a tree causing a fiery explosion. The explosion rocks the tree and several birds, suffering from the Asian bird flu, fly off and infect thousands causing - as we've already seen the numbers - the death of one 90 year old man. How does the media report it?

A) Black man charged in Hate Crime
B) Black on black crime causes fiery crash
C) Eco-Terrorist kills three, numbers rising
D) Pandemic caused by Black-on-Black, Hate Crime and a Cocksucker: Negatively Effects Cyber Monday's Sales Totals
E) All of the above

2 Comments:

Blogger Oreo said...

I would totally go with D or all of the above, but at least D has all of the hate in it. ;)

1:07 AM  
Blogger G13 said...

I would go with C...if GWB has anything to do with it.

10:35 AM  

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