Monday, December 12, 2005

Douche Bags in the News

In the news this week, critics are going "ga-ga" over the new movie "Brokeback Mountain", a story of gay cowboy love. I was disappointed to find out the stars of the movie were Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal so being cowboys was going to be really stretching their acting chops. I did hear that the story was originally called "Broke Ass-Cherry Mountain" but the title was too spot-on.

Islamic extremists have gotten ye'old propaganda machine out in full steam headed for the holiday season. They are calling the Iraqi vote "Satanic". First, I think they need to fire Church Lady as their lead spokesperson. Second, if voting is "Satanic" where does strapping a bomb to your chest and blowing up innocent women and children fit in the grand scheme of things?

The Governator told Tookie Williams "You won't be back!" after denying the quadruple-murderer's clemency bid. For all of the hollywood actors and African-American leaders clamoring for this guy's cause you would think he was Rosa Parks or Mandela. Instead, he is the founder of the Crips; an organization responsible for thousands of deaths over the years. I am pretty sure I will be able to hold back the flood of tears when this low-life gets what is coming to him. Hasta la vista, baby!

In unconfirmed news, Garth Brooks dropped a ton of weight recently. I believe it happened when he tripped trying to carry his new bride accross the threshold. Jesus, have you seen these two? It makes you wonder if bacon grease was recently added to the four basic food groups.


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