Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Stupidity brought to you by the Numbers 7, 0, and 0 and letters C, L, U, and B

Read the stupidity

Suffer Not the Trick-or-Treaters By Lori D'Augostine
*** Warning: The following article is a whole boatload of stupid.

How can you resist? How could anyone refuse adorable little children all dressed up, longing for sweets? I could, and I did for years. Truth be told, I was one of those irresistable children dressed up in a bunny costume, ringing your doorbell, and singing my "Trick or Treat" song.
There's a song? Really? How does it go.

Yet I was hiding behind a mask, and you coudn't see the "real me."
Costumes hide your identity. Thanks for the tip Mrs. Obvious.

If you had, you may have noticed that what I really needed was more than just your candy.

You were a naughty, naughty girl and needed a good spanking, right?

Though I didn't grow up in a Christian household, my parents were very concerned with protecting me from harmful influences -- whether it be the cartoons I watched or the video games I played. They had no idea that their daughter was falling prey to a much more dangerous world that went beyond the physical, parental-controlled television set.
You mean growing up with a sandy vagina?

My interest in the spiritual realm began very innocently in elementary school. My girlfriends and I would play games such as "light as a feather, stiff as a board" at our birthday parties. It seemed like harmless fun, until my best friend was lifted into thin air by what seemed like more than just the two fingers that I placed beneath her.
You may want to look up that word "spiritual", I don't think it means what you think it means. The "light as a feather" trick is what some people refer to as SCIENCE and is simply a trick.

By fifth grade, I was fascinated with Friday the 13th and was convinced that "Jason" was peering through my windows at night.
It's not Jason's fault you are a dumbass.

Now I realize that most children believe that there are monsters underneath their beds, but my fixation didn't go away.
Correction, it's not the world's fault you are a dumbass.

In middle school, I met some friends who introduced me to another world. They told me that they could contact the dead and learn hidden secrets about their lives. I'll never forget the time I asked the ouija board who I would marry. It replied, "the Devil." That's when I knew that I was in a very dangerous place.
Yes, I remember watching that FOX special "When Ouija's Attack!" Really, you're how old now and still don't realize Ouija is about as real as Santa sodomizing the Easter Bunny on top of a thanksgiving turkey, right? RIGHT? Oh fuck, people really are this stupid. You ma'am are the reason cults exist.

Sadly, the demonic hauntings I experienced growing up are common among many young children today. I would venture to say that 20 years later, it has gotten much worse. The lures of the Enemy are running more rampant. Chidren do not have to sneak over to their friends' houses to access demonic influences. There are online ouija boards that require only a mouse, as well as thousands of Web sites that specifically recruit young people to join the occult.
No, dumbass people with no touch of reality like yourself are the reason people turn to the occult. Your entire premise is that scary movies, Halloween, and stupid children's games are turning people to the occult and still "haunt" you. My fucking God, I wish Jason was sitting outside your home; maybe he would've slapped the reality back into your ignorant ass.

Occultic-oriented rock performers have flourished in this generation.
Yes, like Judas Priest, Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden ... "Hello, yes. One second, please." ... Hey numbnuts, the 1980's is on the phone and wants to have a word with you!

Some rockers even try to persuade teenage listeners to kill themselves and their parents.
God, here's to hoping your kids are 1) listening to these "rockers", and 2) they are equally as stupid as their mother.

The influence of the occult has been behind some of the most horrific school shootings of this past decade.
Oh yes, I am sure you have proof of this of course. Pish-posh, she's a bible-thumper, proof has no bearing in this world. Oh yes, I remember the Occult of the Latter Day Satanists were behind Columbine and Virginia Tech. This single sentence is so chock full of fail I can't even begin to fathom it.

Seventeen-year-old Luke Woodham killed two students and wounded seven others in his Mississippi school after he became involved in Satanism, which he said bestowed "power over many things."
Eric Rudolph was convicted of several bombings in which 3 people were killed and nearly 150 more were wounded. Rudolph was part of the Christian Identity Movement. You're play now douchenozzle, I bet I can find about 1,000-to-1 of "christians" who kill in the name of God.

This is the state of some of the American children who are showing up at your doorstep on October 31st. I'm not saying that each of them are secret agents of the occult, yet it is important to consider the souls of the children behind the masks.
Wow, so every child who shows up at my doorstep for candy is basically a soulless, soon-to-be homicidal satanist. Like so many others before them. Generalities. Let me show you them.

In Matthew 19:14 (NIV) Jesus instructed:"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Random bible verse to drive home your idiotic and fruitless "point?" Check.

Did you ever wonder why Halloween seems to primarily feed off of a market of 3-13 year olds?
Because children 1) love candy and 2) aren't old enough to buy it themselves?

This is a Satanic ploy for our children. I don't think that Christian children should completely abstain from the festivities of costumes and candy, because they can be a light through their alternative behavior.
Um, god-lady? You do realize that Halloween is a Christian holiday correct? I mean they borrowed from another religion (much like most of Christianity) but Halloween is their gig.

[I personally plan on dressing my children up in Biblical and God-honoring characters that will draw people to ask questions.]
Questions such as: "Why do you keep hitting yourself, Moses?" while your son is getting the shit kicked out of him by some kid in a chicken outfit.

I'm talking to those of you who will be opening up your door to children of whom you do not know the state of their soul. Consider the gift that you offer them at your doorstep.
Yes, I must do my God-ly duty and ruin the fun of a bunch of kids acting like, well, KIDS! I feel a sermon is appropriate for every child that knocks on my door. Also, all throw in numbnut here's tale of woe about how sleepovers and horror movies are satans plan to kill you, your parents, and bring back New Coke.

Matthew 7:11 (NIV) says: "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Random bible verse to back up more stupidity that could possibly be related to Halloween? Check.

Consider your options. There are many message-driven alternatives to offer, other than a bowl full of candy. For instance, there are Gospel tracts designed for trick-or-treaters that can be purchased online or at your Christian bookstore. You might also want to consider designing your own tracts or attaching scripture messages to the treats.
You may also want to consider making sure your home-owner's insurance is up to date for when the very pissed off trick-or-treaters return to smash your pumpkin and egg your house for being a total douchenozzle.

Scripture Candy, the makers of Fish Mints™ contain wrappers that have scriptural text.
Ummmmmm, sacrilicious!

Also, EvangeCandy, "the only candy with color-coded Gospels on every wrapper" are fun for children.
Fun for what children? I went to Catholic schools and I would've kicked someone in the head for trying to be preachy with candy. It's candy you dolt!

This Halloween, spiritually invest in your neighborhood children and don't make the mistake that I have made of ignoring the doorbell.
That's not a doorbell. That's reality you dumb coont.

Please do not shut yourself off to this generation. You have a unique opportunity to invest in the Kingdom of God without even leaving your home.
Yes, use Halloween as some sort of reverse Jehovah's Witness. What a fabulous plan. Maybe we can berate their parents for letting the little pagans out as well!

Suffer not these little children and consider how you can protect them from the hauntings of the Enemy.
The only suffering these children will go through is making the mistake of going to your house for candy. The "enemy" is a nice little fairly tale you have conjured up from a huge batch of stupidity mixed with an unhelathy dose of religion.

This woman is lucky she found Christianity because she no doubt has a "next stop Jonestown" type view of the "world." Ya gotta love rantings of mental midgets who think "light as a feather" and "ouija" boards are incontrevertible proof that satan is out there and stealing our children with Halloween. 100%, bonafide, inane drivel. What's scary is that people like this are far more the norm than the exception.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...I cannot believe anyone could be this farking STUPID! Let me tell you, if I went trick-or-treating and got some preachy Jesus freak pamphlet instead of candy, that bitch would be cleaning up eggs and toilet paper for the next week. Actually, I wish I knew where this woman lived, my mother and i would go trick-or-treating, and settle her hash. LOL, my mother would make her cry, since she is the Devil. Seriously...the devil is a woman, and she is my mother. Where do these preachy, uptight assholes come from, though? How dare she ruin Halloween for those kids by giving them a fucking religious tract? I wish I could go to her house, and when she hands me a tract, I'd hand her my Satanic Bible. I'd love to see the look on her face, the Jesus-freak biatch! Ahh...good times...

Oh yeah, I love your blog. By any chance, are you a Farker?

4:49 PM  
Blogger Who's Your Daddy said...

Thanks and yes I've been a farker for a little while now.

7:46 PM  

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